April 19, 2015

Dear Friend,

I have no idea what I am doing with life. Haha. I have two/three weeks left of the semester and I cannot wait until it is over. I am an aunt!!!! My brother’s girl friend had their daughter on Weds. Her name is Coco and I just spent half my paycheck on stuff for her. Once the semester ends, I am taking a trip to see my best friend and spend the weekend with her. Then I am driving to stay at a bed and breakfast near my brother so I can visit him and my new niece.

Its all very exciting. Now I have a 20 page paper, a group presentation, a case presentation, a review of a test, 2 different semester reflections, and 2 online exams left before the end of the semester. I am so looking forward to being done.

Love Always,
Aimee

March 9, 2015

Dear Friend,

I feel like I just keep getting shit on. People keep deciding to kick me while I’m down and then kick me when I’m bruised and down. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I’m breaking and I don’t know if there is anything that will stop me from being completely broken. I don’t know what to do.

This semester is extremely difficult. I am taking 14 credit hours with more coursework because we are in our second semester and go to my internship a minimum of 8 hours per week, sometimes up to 25 hours per week because I need to make up time. I am also trying to work my normal shifts and pick up a few more.

I am about halfway through the semester and I feel like I haven’t done anything. We haven’t had much due and now I do and I’m struggling. Tomorrow I have a reflection of my internship so far and I have no idea what to say. I am depressed and am barely making it through the day so how am I supposed to tell my professor what I am good at at my internship? I don’t think I am good at anything.

I should back up. This semester is hard. I am struggling. But my stress starting going up about 2 weekends ago at work. I got a call from my manager on Sunday saying that she had gotten a call from a coworker that I had abused an individual at the house I work at. Looking back, I realize I could have handled the situation better, but at the time it had made sense. Luckily, my manager decided it wasn’t abuse, but after that, I have been faced with the doubt that I am doing my job well. Now I have no idea if what I am doing at work is helping the individuals or not or if I am abusing them in everything I am doing. Then to make matters worse, the same day that I got called by my manager, a new girl started working and she was supposed to shadow me to get a feel for the house. Since I usually really only work weekends, after Sunday, I wasn’t back to work until this Saturday where I get informed that I need to be retrained on something. My manager wouldn’t tell me why and I found out that someone called Quality Assurance (the people who make sure we do our jobs well) about me doing something wrong so yesterday, I had to talk to QA about what I did. The whole time I felt like I was incriminating myself and now I am seriously afraid I am going to get fired. The two things together make me feel as though I am doing my job horribly and has caused me so much stress over the past two weeks. It is getting to the point where I think I want to quit and I just can’t handle it.

Then on top of all of that, it is midterm time. I have to write a reflection for tomorrow and I have two online midterms due by Friday. I did one today and almost threw my computer across the room because I was getting so frustrated. I have testing anxiety already and there were some questions that made no sense and I couldn’t figure out how to answer them. I actually broke a pen in half I was so angry. I had no idea what to do so I just selected random answers and didn’t give a fuck. I ended up getting an 82 so I am okay with that. I just have to do well on everything else in the class. Now it is 10:30 and I have a full day tomorrow at my internship (like 5 meetings) and I am not even close to finished with my reflection due in class tomorrow.

I just want someone to hold me and let me cry and sooth me when I start panicking and freaking out. I need that so much but I don’t think I will ever get that.

I’m just so tired and so frustrated and so at the end of my rope. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Love Always,
Aimee

March 5, 2015

Dear Friend,

Before I get into my life, I have been having this recurring fantasy lately so I decided to get it down in a story form, so is STORY TIME WITH AIMEE!!!!!

“Home Before Daddy”

It’s Friday. It has been a long and stressful week for Daddy and I and I cannot wait for the weekend, so I decide I want to be home before Daddy. I finish my work early and head home. I still have hours before Daddy will get home. It’s a blustery cold winter day, so I decide to make chili in the crock pot (also a plus that it won’t burn if we get distracted). Once its cooking away, I decide to get ready because Daddy will be home soon.

I shower and leave my hair to air dry and my face make-up free, just like Daddy likes and put on my new babydoll (link to a picture). As I’m just finishing, I hear his car pull up in the driveway, so I scurry to the door and get on my knees. As I hear his keys in the lock, I can’t help the thrill that goes through my body in anticipation for what Daddy will do to me this weekend. When he walks in the door, I can see his eyes light up and a smile adorn his handsome face as he smells the chili and sees me kneeling at his feet.

“Hello there, Baby girl. Boy did I miss your face this week.”

“Hi Daddy! I missed you too!”

“Me too sweetie. Now, why don’t you help me get my shoes off.”

“Yes, Daddy.” I reply as I untie his laces and slip each shoe off.

“Thank you, darling. Now, why don’t you make sure nothing will burn and clean up the kitchen a little bit while I shower.”

“Of course, Daddy.”

I watch as Daddy walks towards our bathroom and admire the man I love as he slowly strips off his suit. Once he is out of sight, I go through the motions of making sure everything is put away in the kitchen and the chili is set to low. All the while, I can’t help but imagine what Daddy will do to me tonight. I’ve been good while he has been away. I didn’t play, and I wore his plug everyday. Maybe he’ll use that hole tonight.

Finally, I’m done and decide to also bring his suitcase in the bedroom so that I can take care of his laundry later. Then I get up on the bed and present myself on my knees and wait for Daddy to get out of the shower. I don’t have to wait long and soon Daddy is coming out of the bathroom simply in a pair of jeans.

“Good, baby girl. You look gorgeous. Now, you have been very good for me all week while I’ve been away and I am so very proud, so tonight, you get a reward. Tonight, baby girl, I am going to use you so fully, you won’t be able to think, and you won’t have any idea what I am going to do, nor will you have any say.”

As he spoke, I could feel myself get wetter and wetter as I thought about just simply taking what he was giving me and never knowing what that was going to be. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my mouth as my Daddy described my reward.

“Sound good sweetie?”

“Yes, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy.”

“Good. Now I am going to blindfold you and gag you. What’s your safe motion?”

“If I need you to stop, I bang twice with my hand.”

“Very good, sweetie. Never be afraid to stop me. Now, your neck is extremely bare and that needs to change.” Daddy says as he walks towards me with my collar. Once its on, I immediately feel a little more grounded than I did. After I have my collar, Daddy puts a blindfold over my eyes and I am plummeted into darkness. Next, I feel the ball of a gag hit my lips and I open my mouth for Daddy to put it in.

“There’s my beautiful girl.”

I can’t help but blush at the compliment. Next Daddy slides my babydoll up my body and over my head and I am left kneeling in front of him blindfolded and gagged with his plug in my ass. Suddenly, I am moved until I am on my hands and knees and can feel a chain go through the D-ring on the front of my collar and feel my collar being pulled taught. I must be tethered to the headboard of our bed.

“Good, baby. Now, you must stay like this. Okay? The only movement allowed is if you can’t hold yourself up with your arms okay? Nod if you understand me.”

I nod because its the only thing I can do. I love that Daddy trusts me to stay still and only be kept there by the one tether at my throat. As I am relishing in my Daddy’s trust, I feel his body mold to my back as he pinches and pulls on my nipples and I can’t help but moan. Just as I am getting used to Daddy’s fingers on my nipples, he clips one and then the other in quick succession and I squeal at the sensation of my nipples being camped and weighted down.

As I breath through the pleasure pain of my nipples, I feel something nudge at my dripping pussy. I can feel its a dildo as Daddy slowly pushes the large toy into my sopping hole. Once it is fully in Daddy straps it to me so it doesn’t slide out and turns it on and the toy comes to life, sending vibration after vibration through my clenching hole. I can feel my orgasm building and Daddy must sense it because I feel him by my ear and hear him whisper “You can’t come yet my love.” and I want to scream because my orgasm is right there, but I stop myself. Finally he turns it down and soon it is just a mild vibration keeping me constantly on edge.

Once I get myself under control, I feel Daddy slowly pull out his plug and I whimper at the loss in my ass. As Daddy calms me by rubbing my arms, I feel his hard cock bump my hole as it grasps for something to fill it.

“Are you ready baby?” Daddy whispers in my ear as he shoves his dick into my ass. I’m suddenly caught in a silent scream behind my gag and I can’t even breath. I feel so full I can’t even think. He hasn’t even moved yet! Finally, I catch my breath and Daddy starts thrusting in and out of my ass slowly. Then, I feel the vibrations in my pussy start to increase again and Daddy’s hands move up my tummy and he grips my tender breasts and tweaks my clamped nipples and he finally starts pounding my ass hard.

As he pounds my ass harder and harder, I can’t hold myself up and I fall on my face and just take what he can give me. I’m so on edge all I can do is feel everything that is happening to my body as my Daddy uses it. Finally Daddy whispers in my ear “Come now sweetie.” and I fall apart. My orgasm crests and in the same moment, Daddy turns up the vibrations in my pussy and another orgasm wracks my body as my first is still ending. Daddy is still behind me fucking my ass until finally he pushes in hard one last time and I swear, I can feel his come hit the walls of my anal cavity and I come again.

Slowly, Daddy pulls his cock out of my ass. Then slowly removes the nipple clamps and massages my abused buds. Then the vibrations go away and the dildo is pulled out of my pussy.

“You were amazing baby. I’m going to un-gag you and once I get the chain loosened from the headboard I’m gonna lay you down okay?”

I nod as I feel the gag fall away and my neck feel untethered. Soon, I’m laying on my side and my Daddy has his arms around me. I can’t help but to sag into his arms as I drift off to sleep.

I wake sometime later to the smell of chili and the realization that I no longer have the blindfold on. After looking around the room, I see my Daddy walk in through the kitchen with one large bowl of chili and I smile because I know that means Daddy will feed me dinner. And he does. We sit on the bed in silence as Daddy feeds me a spoonful and then takes a spoonful of his own until all the chili is gone.

“That was delicious baby girl. I’m glad you made that for us.”

“You’re welcome Daddy. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I enjoyed this whole evening. Thank you. Now, how do we top this tomorrow? Tea party? Pjs and cartoons? Disney sing-a-long?”

“Surprise me Daddy.” I mumble.

As I drift out of conscious, I miss the way my Daddy smiles at me and kisses my forehead as he too succumbs to sleep.

So yeah, that has been something that has been in the back of my head for a while now. Don’t mind the awkward sentences and even more awkward dialogue, I literally just wrote it and haven’t edited it at all. I just wanted to get it down. Let me know what you think!

Since last you read, I bought a car!!!!! Its a 2008 Ford Focus and so far I really love it!!!! I also have a lot on my mind but I am falling asleep now, so I will try to write tomorrow about it. This past weekend was rough and I still haven’t had a chance to recuperate. I am so tired.

Love Always,

Aimee

February 23, 2015

Dear Friend,

I’m back again! Hopefully I will be posting more. I can’t promise everyday (I wish I had the energy and the time and the memory to post everyday), but I will try to post more frequently (not every 3 months).

Today I am posting because I am sick. Okay so that’t part of it. Last post I think I may have mentioned I felt like I may be getting a cold, well now I have a full blown cold. I swear I can feel it traveling down my body. It started as a headache and just sinus pressure. Then it moved to a stuffy nose and sinus pressure. Then a sore throat (yay post-nasal drip!) was added. Now I can feel all the crap from my nose settling in my chest and I have been coughing up a storm. So now I have a headache, a super stuffy nose, chest aches, a sore throat, and a cough that won’t stop. Oh and no voice (I went into Tim Horton’s earlier for a tea and the girl at the counter could barely understand me). So I decided after my staff meeting that I would stay home from class today.

I have a paper due tomorrow (this post is helping me procrastinate!) and I can’t write it during the day because I have my pracitcum at the VA tomorrow. I think I mentioned my prac at the VA. It’s a mini internship and I am working with veterans who need to get a job. It’s fun, but it takes up my whole day so I can’t work on anything during the day. So I have to finish it tonight before I go to sleep.

So anyways. I am sick. My class tonight is 7-9:40 PM (I know it’s Monday and they give me a late night class). Since class doesn’t get out till late, I usually don’t get home until at least 10:30 if not later. I want to be asleep by then because I am sick and need more sleep. Also, I haven’t had a chance to write the paper yet and have been trying to utilize that time to write said paper.

So far I have one page. I think it’s supposed to be at least 3 and I still have 4 questions to answer (one done). I just don’t want to do it. It’s the first paper of the semester and I am dreading the rest of the semester which is filled with a lot more papers. I am still getting into the swing of this semester. This week is week 5 of 15 and the second week of March is Spring Break so the semester is gonna be over before I know it.

Ugh, got pulled away because of my grandparents. Like I mentioned before, my grandma had a stroke back in Sept, her insurance ran out so she had to come home. She needs pretty much 24/7 care and couldn’t get that living with just my blind grandfather in a house not meant for a wheelchair (to which she is confined). So my parents had the bright idea to move her into our house. Great. A house meant for 5 small kids and 2 adults is now housing 8 adults. My grandma has aids that come in on weekday mornings to get her dressed and ready for the day but that is it. For the rest of the time, its my family taking care of her. She needs to be moved from her wheelchair to her bed a few times a day via a mechanical lift that needs 2 people to operate to relieve pressure so that her wound will get better and she won’t gain any new wounds. It is always a toss up to see who is home during the days. Sometimes its me, sometimes its my next oldest brother, sometimes its my dad. So we all pitch in and get my grandma into bed for some rest. Then in the evenings, its either my mom (who sometimes works at her second job until 9, which is past my grandma’s bedtime) or my uncle or a random person, or me putting her to bed. Just now (its like 8:15) my grandma is in tears about being in pain and my grandpa is just yelling at her which makes her yell at him and its just a neverending stream of yelling and crying. But since I am sick, I don’t want to do too much with my grandma because having a cold on top of everything is just what we need. So I dealt with my grandpa trying to change her shirt and I just used the lift to put her in bed and my mom should hopefully be home soon.

I’m just tired of it because I sleep across the hall from them and deal with my grandma getting up and crying at 2 AM and then at 6 AM when I am trying to sleep. It has been extremely difficult because we haven’t really been informed how to properly take care of my grandma and no one is really helping us much. It’s just a hard situation overall and at this point, I just want all my grandparents to die because they are all so helpless and sick and not living well. I have a grandma who is confined to a wheelchair and can’t do anything really on her own. I have another grandma who is pretty much addicted to pain meds and can’t breath on her own, can’t cook, can’t wash herself (mostly due to learned helplessness). I have a grandpa who is 90% blind and has diabetes and is very unhappy about everything. Then I have a grandpa who is pretty much deaf and has dementia. None of them are happy and I am just waiting for them to die so that they don’t have to suffer anymore.

And now it is 9:30 and I have about 2.5 pages and have answered 3.5/5 questions. My headache is starting to rear its ugly head again and I have to be in the city in about 11.5 hours. I need to leave by about 8 tomorrow morning in order to get in on time and I really hope I can find a parking spot (always a difficulty esp with all this snow).

Speaking of snow, did you hear about that huge storm in New York in November (Snowvember or Snowpocolipse)? Yeah we got hit by that hard. We got a ton of snow for about a week and then it melted and since then we have been getting snow pretty steadily. It’t been a foot here, 6 inches there, another 5 inches here and then 2 feet here. So it just keeps building and building. And now we have been having negative temps for the past 2 weeks (although I thought the freezing temps broke yesterday, but it was a fluke) and I am sick of snow and cold and winter.

Now I have about 1.5 more questions, which will hopefully fill about a page or so and then I can go to sleep and fix grammar and citations tomorrow in the morning. I also have to remember to print it before I leave for my prac. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I have prac from 9-5 then class from 5:30-8. Then I get to go home after being gone for a little over 12 hours. And I’m sick on top of it. Fun times.

I will survive.

Love Always,
Aimee

February 20, 2015

Dear Friend,

I know, its been 4 months. Grad school is proving harder and harder as time as gone on. I keep telling myself (and I think I wrote it) that writing will help and I know it will. Its just that when I find time, I decide to do something else to try and not think which is what has been exhausting…the sheer brain power this is taking from me.

I am exhausted. Last semester was hard and I thought that it couldn’t get harder, but it did. I really do enjoy school, is just hard. I finished last semester with a 3.8 GPA which I am so happy about. I had no idea I would do so well. I’m pretty proud of myself.

So now, I am about 4 weeks into the semester and I am so tired. This semester, I am taking 14 credit hours instead of the normal 12 so that’s an added bunch of work. Then, on top of that, I have to work 150 hours this semester at a practicum (basically a mini internship to help prepare us for our internship next year). Then I am also working my regular work schedule which usually means anywhere between 16 and 40 hours a week. I am also looking for a new (to me) car. I think I found one, now I just gotta go to the dealership and do a test drive and see what kind of financing I can get.

But anyways, life is not horrid. My grandma had a stroke back in September and after staying at a rehab facility for 3 months, her insurance ran out and she had to come home, but she is completely wheelchair bound and so she had to move in with us instead of at her own house. So both my grandparents are living across he hall from me. It has gotten a lot better now that we have figured out a rhythm and schedule of getting up and going to bed and such. It has caused quite a bit of stress on the whole family though, which has proved difficult.

So now, I am just trying to live. My anxiety has gotten worse, but I am trying to deal. I think that might be what has been exhausting me so quickly during the day. But I am coping. Sometimes not well, but I am coping and right now that is all I can hope for.

Funnily, the main reason I wanted to post was because I saw 50 Shades of Grey this evening. The movie was a lot better than the book in all honesty. Maybe it has something to do with my hatred of the writing or I don’t know. But even still, in the movie, Ana was a lot more informed so many of the decisions she made were done with fair warning and adequate knowledge. Granted, that doesn’t excuse the abuse that Christian enacts. He is fucked up and yes that is realistic (everyone has issues, but seriously this dude’s back story and attitude is ridiculous). Also, I am pretty sure that Christian is a sadist, he gets off on causing pain, but he denies it early on in the movie (although does say he likes pain and control).

Overall, I didn’t think it was a horrible movie. Jamie Dornan was not a very good Grey. The problem started with him being Irish and needing an American accent for the movie so some things he said sounded awkward. He just didn’t present as this attractive, assertive, and dominant man.

I don’t know. I enjoyed the movie. I probably won’t buy it when it comes out on dvd, but I may watch it again and I will probably see the next two (if they make them). I thought it was better than the book, but definitely not an accurate representation of BDSM or a healthy relationship.

I really (ugh I can’t think of he word-understood, felt like, etc) Ana in the movie. I could see her realize that she wanted to give up control and liked it and liked a little pain. I saw her get caught up in the relationship and feel a bit of sub frenzy. I felt horrible when she dropped a bit and Christian wasn’t there to help her through the emotional turmoil that is being a submissive. I saw the stress that Christian caused when he wouldn’t comfort her or let her do anything to feel close to him. I understood her pain and exhilaration. And that scares the shit out of me.

I am lonely, so very lonely. I just really want to be held and dominated and cared for, but I am also very busy and too scared. I just need to find a guy who can be that for me that I trust. I just keep telling myself that as soon as I graduate, I will have more time to find a guy like that. I just have a year and three months (give or take). I got this.

I will try and post more often.

Love Always,
Aimee

October 17, 2014

Dear Friend,

Being sick sucks.

I meant to post earlier in the week, but I have been coming home and crashing every night since Monday and I worked all weekend with no time to post. So, sorry I kinda posted a really sucky post and then disappeared for a week.

So yeah, last weekend I worked 4 8 hour shifts which is ridiculous but kinda necessary. Then I had school work to do and school and sleeping to try and get rid of this cold (which is still persisting) and now I have a day with no work or class and I am attempting to do my research project. I got the articles, I just need to bs my way through a summary of each (and there are only 5) hopefully by the end of the night so that my partner can put it together and send it back to me for grammar so that we can hand it in on weds.

So yeah, as you can see, I’m kinda going through a lot right now. And people keep saying that life doesn’t slow down once I’m done with college, but in all honesty I don’t see how it won’t slow down. I mean I will have a full time job, true, but I work a lot of hours now (I keep picking up extra shifts to work about 30-40 hrs per week). I won’t have school to worry about. I won’t have to deal with my family (because I will hopefully be living on my own). Yes I will have to pay my bills, but theoretically I will be making enough to do so. Its not like I have to take care of children or anything like that. When I first start out all I will have to do is go to work, do my job well, and take care of myself. I do that now with the added time of going to class and doing school work. I mean I drive myself to school and work (so much commuting time and gas money), I buy my own food mostly. I don’t pay rent or anything like that, but theoretically I could.

I mean my plan is to get a job in Portland (or near) and find someone who needs a roommate to cut down on housing costs, hopefully live near the subway and buy a subway pass so I don’t have to deal with driving and gas money and live my life. I don’t understand how that will be as insane as my life is now.

I just want to be done with my degree and get on with my life. I hate living at home with a burning passion. But I love my classes for the most part and I love my job and I really like the people I have met during this program. I’m just really tired and I don’t really get a break because if I’m not in class I’m prolly working and if I’m not doing either of those things, I’m either driving or doing work for them. I don’t really get days off at all. And we haven’t had a break from school and won’t until Thanksgiving, but that break will be filled with final papers.

And I think what makes the exhaustion worse is that I’m alone. And what makes that even harder is that I have this anxiety and really think I’m asexual and I just want to be held, but I’m too anxious to meet someone and even if I did, it couldn’t be ┬árandom person because I need to know someone before I even let them close enough to hug or hold me. I just don’t know how to find time to see a counselor (there is free counseling at school).

I am just so tired.

Love Always,

Aimee

October 10, 2014

Dear Friend,

Hi. I…I don’t know what to say, I just know I need to say something.

I’m not okay, not even close.

I don’t know if I ever will be.

I don’t know how to handle anything that I am being faced with.

In May, I graduated and left a school that had been my home for 4 years. Through my ups and downs and loves and losts. I loved my time there. I embarked on a new experience of teaching a bunch of students who were blind and visually impaired. I was challenged and I was a bit depressed, but I made it through and I did actually love it. I learned a lot.

I moved back home and got a new job. I started working in a group home for people who are developmentally disabled at the same time as I started my time as a graduate student. I started school on an unfamiliar and huge campus and my anxiety went up. It was manageable and pushed me to be better and succeed. For a while, I did well. I went to my trainings for work and went to class and worked at my job. I picked up extra shifts and started sleeping less. I love my job. The individuals I get to work with are amazing human beings and I love being able to work with them. But I started to over work myself. As time went on, classes became more demanding and I started having more and more anxiety and stress and couldn’t handle it. I was up to 40+ hours per week between trainings and actual hours worked. Then had to add on to that 45 min travel time each way to campus and class and homework for class. I was losing a losing battle.

I wanted comfort. I wanted someone to hug me and love me and tell me I could do it. I didn’t want family members constantly asking me where I was or asking me to do things for them when I clearly didn’t have the time. I didn’t want my family to silently judge me because I was never around and when I was, I was in my room with the door closed. I wanted someone I could go to, someone I could depend on to listen to me and hold me and not try to make everything sexual.

I didn’t want to realize that maybe my sexual identity isn’t what I thought it was. I didn’t want to realize that I was thinking about suicide again. I didn’t want to be depressed again and barely make it out of bed. I didn’t want my anxiety to get so bad that most of the time I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest and I am constantly trying to catch my breath. I didn’t want to be constantly horny, but nearly have a panic attack at the idea of having sex with another human being. I didn’t want to constantly second guess every single choice I made. I didn’t want to feel more anxious because some days I just couldn’t get the motivation to make a phone call and fall behind on my work.

I didn’t want all these things to happen, but they did. Right now I am still trying to deal and I’m not doing that at all because I can barely wrap my head around anything I just typed.

I am constantly on edge, constantly tired, constantly worried I am going to fuck up. I can barely breath and I want to cry all the time. I hate living at home but I don’t have the money to get an apartment. I don’t even have my own car and I hate driving the one I have. I spend so much money on shit food and gas that I barely function. I have gained weight. I haven’t been eating healthy or doing anything to be healthy. I have neglected myself.

I know I should see someone and I have a list of people I could call, but I’m afraid. I also don’t have much time. I think that it takes a lot for someone to admit they need professional help and that is what I am doing. I am admitting that I need professional help. I know that I cannot handle or work through my many issues on my own. I just don’t know if I can get over this fear and anxiety and actually seek the help.

I am half way through my first semester of graduate school. People keep telling me it will get better. People keep telling me that I just need to get through it. I don’t know if that will work.

Side Note: I just realized that maybe that night with Phil in March, I was sexually excited about the idea of having sex with him, but actually doing it caused me so much stress and anxiety because I am on the spectrum of asexuality. I don’t know, it was just a thought I had.

I am just so tired. I just want to be alone. I want my own apartment and my own space. I want to start over away from my family. I want to be able to be me. I was starting to be that in Syracuse and now I am back and everyone here sees me as this good little Catholic girl who just graduated high school and didn’t understand the world.

Now I understand a little bit and I know that I don’t believe in God. I believe that there is something out there that is bigger than us. I believe that every person I meet is amazing no matter what they are doing. I believe that everyone should be treated equally. I believe that people should be able to have sex the way they want with whomever they want. I believe that everyone should be free to be who they really are and I don’t think I can do that here.

I need to be free and I don’t know if I can wait another year and a half to be free.

Love Always,

Aimee